正確的行為--真誠但不要傷人

問題: 我們可以練習正確的行為, 以及按照責任而來的行為, 但是這樣的話, 我們將會戴著假面具. 如你所說, 現在我們裡面就好像一個瘋人院, 所以, 我們應該按照我們所感覺的來行動, 或是按照我們所應該的來行動?

奧修師父回答:
第一件要了解的事是: 你必須對你自己很真實 – 很真誠, 很誠實, 但那並不意味著你必須透過你的誠實和真誠來傷害別人, 那並不意味著你必須去打擾別人, 那並不意味著你必須去打擾遊戲規則. 所有的關係都只不過是遊戲規則, 在很多情況下, 你必須演戲, 你必須戴面具, 你必須表現出虛假的臉. 唯一要記住的事是: 不要變成那個假面具. 如果它很好, 那麼你就使用它, 保持那個規則, 不要變成假面具, 不要與之認同. 演它, 但是不要與之認同.

這是一個很大的問題, 尤其西方的新生代, 他們已經聽太多了, 他們已經被這個概念所吸引: 要真誠, 要誠實. 這是很好的, 但是你不知道頭腦有多狡猾, 頭腦是多麼地具有破壞性. 你的頭腦可能會找藉口, 你可能會說一個真理, 不是因為你非常喜愛真理, 而只是為了要傷害別人. 你可以使用它作為一種武器, 如果你使用它作為一種武器, 它就不是真理, 它比謊言更糟糕.

有時候你可以透過謊言來幫助一個人, 有時候透過謊言, 關係會變得比較容易, 那麼你就使用它, 但是不要與之認同. 我所說的是: 成為一個好的選手, 學習那些遊戲規則, 但是不要對任何事太過於執著.

有一次, 我從大學回來, 我父親和我母親在擔心, 他們在擔心我, 擔心我要做什麼. 他們在擔心我的婚姻, 所以我父親就透過他的朋友傳話給我, 問看看我要不要結婚, 我告訴他的朋友:”這是我跟我父親之間的事, 你不要介入, 請你轉告我父親說他可以直接來問我.”

我父親在害怕, 因為我從不對他說”不”, 所以他害怕, 他之所以害怕是因為我不說”不”, 即使我不想結婚, 我也會說”是”, 那就是他頭腦裡面的煩惱. 即使我不想進入家庭生活, 我也不會說”不”, 我也會說”是”, 而那個”是”一定是假的, 所以, 要怎麼辦呢? 他不能夠問我, 他至今都還沒有問, 因為他知道很清楚, 我一定不會破壞任何規則, 我一定會說”是”.

然後他嘗試透過我的母親. 有一天晚上, 她來問我, 她來到我的床邊, 坐在那裡, 她問我對於婚姻的看法. 我說:”我還沒有結婚, 所以我沒有經驗. 妳知道得比較清楚, 妳有經驗, 所以妳告訴我. 用15天的時間, 妳仔細想一想, 沉思它, 如果妳覺得妳有透過婚姻而達成某些東西, 那麼妳就命令我, 我會遵照妳的命令. 不要問我的意見, 我沒有意見, 因為我沒有經驗, 而妳有經驗. 如果再給妳一次機會, 妳會結婚嗎?”她說:”你試圖要來混亂我.” 我說:”妳慢慢來, 不要著急, 我會等2個星期, 然後妳再命令我, 我就會遵循, 因為我不知道.”

所以, 有2個星期的時間, 她都很擔心, 她無法入眠, 因為她知道如果她叫我結婚, 我一定會遵循, 然後她就要負責任, 而不是我要負責任, 所以在2個星期之後她說:”我什麼都不想說, 因為如果我回顧我自己的經驗, 那麼我一定不想要你進入那種生活, 所以我不能夠說什麼.”
就是因為這樣, 所以我保持未婚. 我並沒有真正準備要結婚, 我一點都沒有那個意圖, 但是我能夠演戲, 這並沒有什麼不對, 因為每一種經驗都能夠幫助你成長, 不結婚能夠對你有所幫助, 結婚也能夠對你有所幫助, 它們並沒有太大的差別, 每一件事都以它自己的方式幫助你成長.

有一件要記住的事是: 生命非常複雜. 你並不是單獨在此, 有很多別人跟你關連. 要對你自己很真誠, 永遠不要對自己虛假, 要很清楚地知道你要什麼, 對你自己而言要保持如此, 但是還有別人, 不要不必要地傷害到他們. 如果你需要戴假面具, 那麼你就戴假面具, 而且享受戴假面具, 但是要記住, 它們並不是你原來的臉, 你必須在任何片刻都能脫掉它們, 你要保持是那些假面具的主人, 不要變成奴隸, 否則, 透過你的真誠, 你可能會成為暴力的, 你可能會不必要地成為暴力的.

我看過有一些人非常殘酷, 暴烈, 具有侵犯性, 具有虐待狂的傾向, 但是他們非常真誠, 非常真實. 他們使用他們的真誠就是為了他們的虐待傾向, 他們想要使別人受苦, 他們的詭計很高明, 使你逃不掉. 他們很真實, 所以你不能夠說:”你很壞.” 他們是好人, 他們從來不壞, 所以沒有人能夠告訴他們:”你很壞.”他們一直都很好, 他們透過他們的好來做壞事.

不要這樣做, 不要把人生看得太嚴肅, 戴假面具也沒有什麼錯, 就好像舞台上的戲劇, 他們使用各種不同的臉來娛樂, 觀眾也在娛樂, 為什麼不在真實的生活當中也用這樣的方式來娛樂? 人生也是一齣戲, 但我不是要叫你不誠實, 你對你自己要真誠, 不要與之認同, 但生命是浩瀚的, 有很多人在你的周遭, 他們以很多看不見的網線互相牽連. 不要傷害任何人.

我要告訴你一則逸事. 佛陀成道的時候, 回到他以前住的城鎮, 他已經離開那裡有12年了. 有一天晚上他逃離他的家, 他甚至沒有告訴他太太說他要離開, 他去到她的房間, 她跟佛陀唯一的孩子在睡覺, 那個孩子生下來只有幾天的時間.

佛陀想要去摸那個小孩, 去感覺, 去愛, 去擁抱, 但是他想:”如果太太被吵醒, 她或許會開始又哭又泣, 而可能會把事情弄得一團糟, 屋內所有的人都會跑來看, 然後就很難離開.” 所以他就斷然從門邊逃走, 他向裡面看了一下, 然後就像懦夫一般地逃走, 之後有12年的時間, 他一直都沒有回來.
12年之後, 在他成道之後, 他回來了. 他最大的弟子是阿南達, 阿南達是他的表兄, 在他接受佛陀點化之前, 他要求佛陀給他一些承諾. 他當了門徒, 他接受佛陀的點化, 但是他比佛陀年長, 所以他說:”在我接受點化之前, 當我還是你的長兄, 你給我一些承諾, 因為一旦我接受了點化, 你將成為師父, 而我將成為門徒, 那麼我就不能夠再要求什麼. 就目前而言, 我甚至還能夠命令你.”
這就是遊戲規則. 所以佛陀說:”好.”他已經成道, 而這個未成道的人說:”我是你長兄.” 所以佛陀說:”好, 你想要什麼?”
他說:”3個承諾: 第一, 我要一直跟著你, 你不能夠把我送到別的地方, 不管你去那裡, 我都將成為你的影子; 第二, 即使晚上你在房間睡覺的時候, 我也要能夠進進出出. 對我而言, 不能有什麼規則; 第三, 即使在午夜, 當你在睡覺的時候, 如果我帶一個人來, 帶一個求道者來, 你也必須回答他的問題.”
佛陀說:”好, 你是我長兄, 所以我答應.” 然後阿南達就接受點化而成為佛陀的門徒, 佛陀終其一生都遵循這3件事.
當他回到家, 他告訴阿南達:”給我一個例外, 阿南達, 我太太雅秀哈拉已經等了12年, 她一定非常生氣, 她是一個非常驕傲的女人, 12年是一段很長的時間, 對她來講我不是一個好先生, 我就像一個懦夫逃離了她, 我甚至沒有告訴她. 我知道如果我有告訴她, 她一定會接受, 因為她非常愛我, 但是我無法湊足勇氣.”
‘現在已經過了12年, 如果我會見我太太的時候你跟著我, 她一定會覺得更生氣, 她一定會認為這是一個詭計, 她一定會認為我故意把你帶來, 使她不能夠表達她的想法, 表達她那壓抑的憤怒, 以及這12年以來的很多事情, 她的舉止將會像一個淑女, 因為她來自一個非常好的家庭, 她來自皇室, 她甚至不會哭, 不會流淚, 她會保持那個遊戲規則, 所以, 阿南達, 請你給我一個例外, 我不會再要求其他例外, 請你在外面等.”
阿南達說:”師父, 我認為你已經成道了, 你已經不再是一個先生, 她也不再是一個太太, 所以為什麼要玩這個遊戲?”
佛陀說:”我成道了, 但是她沒有成道, 我已經不再是一個先生, 但她扔然是一個太太, 我不想傷害她, 讓她再繼續保有她的想法一下子, 然後我將說服她, 我將說服她作一個大轉變而成為門徒, 但是你要給我一個機會. 我已經成道了, 但是她還沒有成道.”:
所以佛陀就進宮了, 當然, 雅秀哈拉一看到他就瘋開來了, 她開始說一些事, 她很生氣, 而且又哭又泣, 眼淚直流, 佛陀靜靜地站在那裡, 帶著很深的慈悲, 耐心地聽每一件事. 當她發洩出所有的憤怒之後, 她注視著佛陀, 當她已經不再流淚, 她注視著佛陀, 然後她了解到這個人已經不再是一個先生, 她是在跟她記憶中的鬼講話, 那個曾經離開她的人已經不復存在, 眼前這一位是一個完全不同的人.
她投降了, 她告訴佛陀:”你為什麼要來, 你已經不再是一個先生.”
佛陀再度重覆:”我或許不是一位先生, 但妳仍然是一位太太, 我是要來幫助妳的, 好讓妳也能夠超越這個痛苦, 這個關係, 這個世界.”
有其他人存在, 你要顧慮到他們, 不要試圖透過所謂的好事而變成暴力的, 所以當經文裡面說正確的行為, 它意味著跟別人的正確關係. 你不需要成為虛假的. 當你可以很真實而不傷害到任何人, 那麼你就要很真實, 但是如果你覺得你的真實會傷害到很多人, 而那是不必要的, 是可以避免的, 那麼你就避免它, 因為它不僅會傷害到別人, 它也將會創造出一些”因”, 而那些”因”將會以”果”的形式回到你身上, 它們將會變成你的”業”, 那麼你就會被糾纏在裡面, 你越是被糾纏在裡面, 你就越必須以錯誤的方式來舉止.
只要停下來, 看那個情況, 如果你能夠很真實而不傷害到任何人, 那麼你就要很真實. 對我而言, 愛比真實更偉大, 要成為具有愛心的, 如果你覺得你的真實將會傷害到別人, 將會是暴力的, 那麼最好撒謊而不要真實. 等待那個你可以成為真實的正當時刻, 同時也幫助別人達到一種你的真實不會傷害到他的片刻. 不必匆匆忙忙.
人生是一齣大戲, 不要太嚴肅, 因為嚴肅也是一種頭腦的病, 嚴肅是自我的一部分. 要成為遊戲的, 不要太嚴肅, 所以有時候你必須使用面具, 因為有一些小孩在你的周遭, 他們喜歡面具, 他們喜歡虛假的臉, 他們喜歡享受那些東西, 幫助他們成長, 好讓他們能夠面對真實的臉, 能夠跟真實的臉碰面, 但是在他們能夠跟真實的臉碰面之前, 不要創造出任何麻煩. 正確的行為就是考慮到別人.

注意看, 這是一個很大的差別, 我所說的, 你或許會誤解. 當你說謊的時候, 你是為你自己在說謊, 而我所說的是: 如果有需要, 如果你覺得需要說謊, 那麼你只能夠在考慮到別人的情況下說謊, 永遠不要為你自己說謊. 對你自己不要使用任何面具, 但是如果你覺得它將會幫助別人, 它將會對別人有好處, 那麼你就使用面具, 但是在你的內在要保持警覺說這只是一個你在導演的遊戲, 這不是真實的.

有時候你或許需要對你的小孩, 你的兒子, 或你的女兒生氣. 有一些情況, 憤怒能夠有所幫助, 如果你很冷淡地對你的小孩說些什麼, 那是不具愛心的. 如果你告訴你的小孩:”不要做這個.” 而你是以一種冷淡的口吻來說的, 那麼它是不具愛心的, 它將不會有所幫助. 當你很生氣地對你的小孩說:” 不要做這個!”它會進入小孩的內心, 他會感覺到你是因為愛他, 所以才生氣.

一個從來沒有對他兒子生過氣的父親就是從來沒有愛過. 生氣意味著你關心他, 你甚至關心到會生氣的程度. 你愛他, 你為他感覺, 有時候甚至當你不覺得生氣, 但是你看到那個需要, 所以你表現出生氣. 你展露出生氣的臉, 但是你仍然保持是主人. 如果你仍然保持是主人, 那麼那個臉是很美的, 你可以使用它們, 但是不要變成那個臉, 如果你變成那個臉, 你就變成了奴隸. 整個重點就是不要與之認同, 保持超然, 保持跟它有一段距離, 在任何時間你都能夠戴上那個臉, 或脫掉那個臉, 那個臉只是一個設計.

它將會很困難, 很複雜, 要不真實很容易, 要真實也很容易, 最困難的就是成為你自己的主人: 如果你想要不真實, 你就能夠不真實, 如果你想要真實, 你就能夠真實.

戈齊福的門徒寫了很多關於他的書, 每一位門徒都以不同的方式來描述他, 這是非常奧祕的, 它從來沒有以那種方式發生在其他人身上. 有時候一個人去看戈齊福, 離開之後, 換他的朋友去看他, 回來之後, 他們兩人會互相討論, 而他們會以不同的方式來描述戈齊福.

戈齊福是一個”變臉”的大師, 據說他的能力好到一個坐在他右邊的人會感覺到一個樣子, 而一個坐在他左邊的人又會感覺到另外一個樣子. 他左邊的眼睛或許會很具有愛心, 左半部的臉發出愛, 而另外一邊的臉卻在生氣. 這兩個人會在外面互相討論, 其中一個會說:” 他很具有愛心.” 而另外一個會說:”你看錯了, 因為他表現出很生氣的樣子.”

這是可能的, 這種精通是很美的. 據說沒有人能夠描述戈齊福真正的臉, 因為他從來沒有表現出他真正的臉給任何人, 他總是在演戲, 但是就某一方面而言, 他是在幫助別人, 他以很多方式來幫助別人, 他會顯示給你你所需要的臉, 他會顯示出顧慮的你的臉, 他不會顯示你所不需要的臉.

對我而言, 或是對優婆尼沙經而言也是一樣, 正確的行為就是意味著跟別人在一起時的正確行為規則. 你不會永遠在此, 你無法改變整個世界, 你無法改變每一個人, 最多你只能夠改變你自己, 所以最好在內在改變你自己, 不要一直跟每一個人抗爭, 要避免抗爭, 因此, 扮演各種不同的臉是能夠有所幫助的. 要避免不必要的爭鬥, 因為那會散發能量, 保存你的能量, 用在內在的工作, 那個工作非常有意義, 它需要你能夠給出的所有能量, 所以, 不要將它浪費在不必要的事情上面.
對於外在的世界, 你要保持是一個演員, 不要認為你是在欺騙任何人, 如果他們喜歡欺騙, 那是他們所需要的, 那是應該給他們的. 如果小孩子喜歡玩玩具, 你就給他們玩具, 你並沒有在欺騙他們, 不要給他們真槍, 要給他們玩玩具槍, 因為他們喜歡玩具, 不要認為玩具槍是假的, 不要想說:”我必須很真實, 我必須給小孩子真正的槍, 如果他需要槍, 那麼我必須給他真槍, 我怎麼能夠給他玩具槍呢? 這是一種欺騙.”

小孩子需要玩具, 這並不是欺騙, 他不需要真槍, 所以只要注意看別人, 看他需要什麼, 給他那些他所需要的, 不要按照你自己的考慮來給他東西, 要為他考慮來給他東西. 注意他, 研究他, 觀察他, 以一種能夠幫助他而不會引起你太多麻煩的方式來行動, 這就是所謂正確的行為.

摘自 成道之路(上冊) Vedanta: Seven Steps to Samadhi
奧修出版社 謙達那 譯


BELOVED OSHO,
WE CAN PRACTICE RIGHT BEHAVIOR, AND BEHAVIOR ACCORDING TO DUTY, BUT THEN WE WILL BE WEARING FALSE FACES, AS WE ARE INWARDLY, AS YOU SAY, A MADHOUSE. SO SHOULD WE ACT AS WE FEEL, OR ACT AS WE OUGHT?
The first thing to be understood: you have to be authentic to yourself -- sincere, honest. But that doesn't mean that you have to hurt others through your honesty and sincerity, that doesn't mean that you have to disturb others, that doesn't mean that you have to disturb the rules of the game. All relationships are just rules of the game, and many times you will have to act and wear masks, false faces. The only thing to remember is: don't become the mask. Use it if it is good, and keep the rules, but don't become the mask, don't get identified. Act it, don't get identified with it.
This is a great problem, particularly in the West for the new generation. They have heard too much; they have already been seduced by this idea: be sincere and be honest. This is good, but you don't know how cunning and destructive the mind is. Your mind can find excuses. You can say a truth, not because you love truth so much but just to hurt somebody; you can use it as a weapon. And if you are using it as a weapon it is not truth, it is worse than a lie.
Sometimes you can help somebody through a lie, and sometimes relationship becomes more easy through a lie. Then use it -- but don't get identified with it. What I am saying is: Be a good player, learn the rules of the game; don't be too adamant about anything.
It happened: I came back from the university and my father and my mother were worried; they were worried about me, about what I was going to do. They were worried about my marriage. So my father started sending messages through his friends asking my opinion whether I was ready to get married or not. So I told his friends, "This is between me and my father, don't you come in. Tell my father that he can ask me."
And he was afraid, because I have never said no to him for anything. So he was afraid, he was afraid because I would not say no. Even if I didn't want to be married I would say yes -- that was the worry in his mind. Even if I didn't want to get into a householder's life, I would not say no, I would say yes. And that yes would be false. So what to do? He couldn't ask me -- he has not asked yet -- because he knew well that I would not break any rule. I would have said yes.
Then he tried through my mother. She asked me one night; she came to my bed, sat there, and asked me what I thought about marriage. So I said, "I have not married yet, so I have no experience. You know well, you have the experience, so you tell me. Take fifteen days: think over it, contemplate, and if you feel you have achieved something through it, then just order me. I will follow the order. Don't ask about my opinion -- I have none, because I have no experience. You are experienced. If you were again given a chance, would you get married?"
She said, "You are trying to confuse me."
I said, "You take your time, at your own ease. I will wait for two weeks, then you order me. I will just follow... because I don't know."
So for two weeks she was worried. She could not sleep, because she knew if she said to marry I would obey. Then she would be responsible, not I. So after two weeks she said, "I am not going to say anything, because if I look to my own experience, then I would not like you to move into that life. But I cannot say anything now."
So this is how I remained unmarried. Sincerely, authentically, I was not ready to marry, I was not intending it at all. But I could have acted. And nothing is wrong, because every experience helps you to grow. No-marriage helps, marriage also helps; there is not much difference. Everything helps you to grow in its own way.
The one thing to remember is: life is a great complexity. You are not alone here, there are many others related to you. Be sincere unto yourself, never be false there. Know well what you want, and for yourself remain that. But there are others also; don't unnecessarily hurt them. And if you need to wear masks, wear them and enjoy them, but remember, they are not your original face, and be capable of taking them off any moment. Remain the master, don't become the slave; otherwise you can be violent through your sincerity, unnecessarily you can be violent.
I have seen persons who are cruel, violent, aggressive, sadistic -- but sincere, very true, authentic. But they are using their authenticity just for their sadism. They want to make others suffer, and their trick is such that you cannot escape them. They are true, so you cannot say, "You are bad." They are good people, they are never bad, so no one can say to them, "You are bad." They are always good, and they do the bad through their good.
Don't do that, and don't take life too seriously. Nothing is wrong in masks also, faces also. Just as in the drama on the stage they use faces and enjoy and the audience also enjoys, why not enjoy them in real life also? It is not more than a drama. But I am not saying for you to be dishonest. Be sincere with yourself, don't get identified. But life is great; there are many around you related in many invisible nets. Don't hurt anybody.

I will tell you one anecdote. It happened, Buddha became enlightened, and then he came back to his town after twelve years. He had escaped one night from his house without even telling his wife that he was leaving. He had gone to her room. She was sleeping with Buddha's child, the only child, who was just a few days old.
Buddha wanted to touch the small child, to feel, to love and embrace, but then he thought, "If the wife is awakened she may start crying and weeping and may create a mess. The whole house will gather, and then it will be difficult to leave." So he simply escaped from the door; he just looked in and escaped like a coward. Then for twelve years he never came back.
After twelve years, when he had become enlightened, he came back. His chief disciple was Ananda. Ananda was his elder cousin-brother, and before he took initiation with Buddha he had asked for a few promises. He took sannyas, he took initiation from Buddha, but he was older than Buddha, "So," he said, "before I take initiation give me some promises as your elder brother, because once I have been initiated you will be the master and I will be the disciple. Then I cannot ask anything. Now I can even order you."
These are the rules of the game. So Buddha said, "Okay." He was enlightened, and this unenlightened man was saying, "I am your elder brother." So Buddha said, "Okay. What do you want?"
He said, "Three promises. One: I will always be with you, you cannot send me anywhere else; wherever you go I will be your shadow. Second: even in the night when you sleep in a room I can come in and out -- even while you are asleep. No rules will apply to me. And third: even at midnight when you are asleep, if I bring someone, a seeker, you will have to answer his questions."
Buddha said, "Okay. You are my elder brother, so I promise." Then Ananda took initiation, then he become a disciple, and Buddha followed these three things his whole life.
When he came back to his home, he said to Ananda, "Just make one exception, Ananda. My wife Yashodhara has been waiting for twelve years. She is bound to be very angry, and she is a very proud woman. Twelve years is a long time, and I have not been a good husband to her. I escaped from her like a coward, I didn't even tell her. And I know that if I had told her she would have accepted it because she loves me so much, but I couldn't gather the courage.
"Now after twelve years, if you come with me when I go to meet my wife, she will feel even worse. She will think that this is a trick; that I have brought you with me so that she cannot express her mind, her suppressed anger, and the many things of these twelve years. And she will behave in a ladylike way, because she belongs to a very good family, a royal family. She will not even cry, no tears will come to her eyes; she will keep the rules of the game. So please, Ananda, only one exception I ask you, and I will never ask any other exception. You just wait outside."
Ananda said, "Bhante, I think you are enlightened. You are no longer a husband and she is no longer a wife, so why play this game?"
Buddha said, "I am enlightened, she is not. I am no longer a husband, but she is still a wife, and I don't want to hurt her. Let her keep her mind a little while and I will persuade her. I will persuade her to take a jump and become a sannyasin. But give me a chance. I am enlightened, she is not."
So Buddha went inside the palace. Of course, Yashodhara was mad. She started saying things; she was angry, crying, weeping, tears coming down, and Buddha stood there, silent, listening to everything patiently, with deep compassion. When all her anger was out she looked at Buddha; when her tears were no more there in her eyes then she looked at Buddha. Then she realized that this man was no longer a husband and she had been talking to a ghost of her memory. The man who left her was no more there. This was totally a different man.
She surrendered, and she said to Buddha, "Why have you come? You are no longer a husband."
Buddha repeated again, "I may not be a husband, but you are still a wife, and I have come to help you so that you can also transcend this misery, this relationship, this world."

Others are there, consider them, and don't try to be violent through so-called good things. So when it is said, "right conduct," it means right relationship with others. You need not be false. When you can be true without hurting anybody, be true. But if you feel that your truth is going to hurt many and is unnecessary, it can be avoided, then avoid it, because it is not only going to hurt others, it will create patterns of cause, and those causes will return as effects on you, they will become your karmas. Then you will get entangled, and the more entangled you are the more you will have to behave in wrong ways.
Just stop. Just see the situation. If you can be true without hurting anybody, be true. To me, love is greater than truth. Be loving. And if you feel that your truth will be hurtful and violent, it is better to lie than to be true. Wait for the right moment when you can be true, and help the other person to come to such a state where your truth will not hurt him. Don't be in a hurry.
And life is a big drama; don't take it too seriously -- because seriousness is also a disease of the mind, seriousness is part of the ego. Be playful, don't be too serious. So sometimes you will have to use masks, because there are children around you and they like masks, they like false faces, and they enjoy. Help them to grow so they can face the real face, they can encounter it. But before they can encounter it, don't create any trouble. Right conduct is just consideration for others.
And look: there is a great difference. You may misunderstand what I am saying. When you lie, you lie for yourself. And I am saying: if you need, and if you feel the need to lie, only lie for the consideration of others. Never lie for yourself, don't use any mask for yourself. But if you feel it is going to help others, it will be good for them, use the mask. And inside remain alert that this is just a game you are acting, this is not real.
Sometimes you may need to be angry to your child, to your son, to your daughter. There are situations when anger helps. If you say something to your child coldly, it is not loving. If you say to your child, "Don't do this," in a cold manner, it is not loving, it is not going to help. When you say, "Don't do this!" to your child in anger, deep anger, it reaches the child, and he feels that you love him, that's why you are angry.
A father who has never been angry with his son has never been loving; anger means that you consider him, you can even be angry. You love him, you feel for him. Sometimes even when you are not feeling angry but you see the need, show the anger, have the face of anger -- but remain the master. And if you are the master, then the faces are beautiful, you can use them. But don't become the face; if you become the face you have become the slave. The whole thing is not to get identified. Remain aloof, distant, and capable at any time to put it on and off -- the face is just a device. It will be difficult and complex. It is easy to be untrue, it is easy to be true. The most difficult thing is to be the master of yourself to such an extent that if you want to be untrue you can be untrue, and if you want to be true you can be true.
Gurdjieff's disciples have written many books about him, and every disciple describes him in a different way. This is very mysterious, it has never happened with any other person in that way. Sometimes it happened that a person went to see Gurdjieff, then left, and then his friend went to see him. They would report to each other and would both give a different picture.
Gurdjieff was a master of changing faces. It is said that he had become so capable that a person sitting by his right side would feel one thing, and a person sitting by his left side would feel differently. He may have been very loving with his left eye, and that half-face was showing love, and with the other side he may have been angry. And both persons would report to each other outside: "What type of man is this? He was so loving." The other would say, "You are in some illusion... because he was so angry."
That is possible and such a mastery is beautiful. It is said that no one reported Gurdjieff's real face, because he never showed anybody his real face. He was always acting, but helping in a way; in many ways he was helping. He would show you the face that was needed by you for your consideration; he would never show you the face that was not needed by you.
To me, and to the Upanishads also, right conduct means just the right rules of behavior with others. You are not going to be here forever. You cannot change the whole world, you cannot change everybody; you can at the most change yourself. So it is better to change yourself inwardly, and don't try to be in a continuous fight with everybody. Avoid fight -- and faces can be helpful. Avoid unnecessary struggle, because that dissipates energy. Preserve your energy to be used for the inner work. And that work is so significant and it needs all your energy that you can give to it, so don't waste it in unnecessary things.
For the outside world remain an actor, and don't think that you are deceiving anybody. If they like deception, that's what they need, that's what should be given to them. If children like toys to play with, you are not deceiving them. Don't give them a real gun; let them play with the toy gun, because they like the toy. And don't think that the toy gun is false; don't think, "I must be true, I must give a real gun to the child. If he needs a gun, then I must give the true thing. How can I give the toy? This is a deception."
But the child needs the toy, there is no deception; he doesn't need the real gun. So just look at the other, at what he needs, and give him that which he needs. Don't give out of your own consideration, give out of consideration for him. Look at him, study and observe him, and behave in such a way that will be helpful to him and will not be unnecessary trouble for you. This is all that is meant by right conduct.

Vedanta: Seven Steps to Samadhi
Chapter #7
Chapter title: You Become the Offering